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Self-described as being pious, and confident of his ‘credits’ in
Rome for his tireless work keeping the Papal chimneys clean for
absolute clarity when the cardinals cast their votes - Ernie is
still reeling from a slap in the face with Friday’s supper
when the Vatican scuppered his merchandising plans for a limited
edition commemorative Pope-on-a-Rope soap. Consequently our virtual
chum has hit the road, his panniers and trailer laden with several
hundredweight of product, in search of discrete outlets for his
contraband.
On the Road
Predictably, I’m a disciple of the post-modern, neo-classical school
of minimalist cycle touring. Take good quality, lightweight gear and
leave behind all but the essentials - you can always buy an emergency
replacement toothbrush en route. This may seem a little masochistic but
the common image of a foreign cycle tourist struggling to pedal their
over laden juggernauts around New Zealand’s roads should reassure
you of the inherent wisdom in this ascetic approach. I’ve heard
rumours of cyclists taking the lightweight thing to its indulgent extreme
... linking up the classic Tour de France cols with just a single change
of clothes and credit card for hotels and restaurant meals. Nice if you’ve
got the coin. For the more fiscally constrained, we need to bolt our
trip together using camping equipment.
Shelter from the Storm
Cheap tents weigh a ‘ton’, aren’t particularly waterproof
and risk collapsing when the big bad wolf huffs and puffs. Amble into
a specialist outdoor shop to suss out what’s on offer. Assuming
you’re after a two-person tent, don’t even consider anything
over 3kg. 2kg is about as light as you can expect unless you have friends
at NASA. Freestanding designs are handy - especially in Europe where
campsites are often too hard to drive pegs into the turf.
If ‘you’ are actually a couple, then
consider kipping under a single sleeping bag. You can unzip a semi-rectangular
model and use it like a duvet. Down is light and compressible.
550-700g fill is about right for non-winter conditions.
A ‘Thermarest’ self-inflating mattress
is an essential luxury. A little cushioning between you and the
firm ground after a hard day in the saddle helps you greet the
morning with enthusiasm. Those silly looking inflatable airline
pillows are a fabulous piece of camping kit that deflate and take
up zero room in your bag.
Panniers vs Trailer
A set of racks with front and rear panniers is the standard configuration.
Don’t skimp on the racks - they take a hammering and are prone
to breaking. Blackburn are the accepted benchmark for reliability while
Old Man Mountain (www.oldmanmountain.com)
offers racks of superior strength with options for fitting to fully
suspended and disc-braked bikes. Good panniers are a must. Stay clear
of those made from lightweight nylon with dodgy attachment systems.
Panniers made from pack canvas
or welded PVC (eg. www.ortlieb.com)
are generally preferable.
Trailers are brilliant in their place: you can use
cargo bags or a pack instead of panniers; they allow you to carry
big loads with more control; are more robust off-road; and if you’re
hoping to discover some singletrack you can quickly ‘unhitch’ to
unleash your mountain bike. On the down side you incur a weight
penalty of 2-3kg over a set of front and rear racks, and it’s
an additional piece of luggage to negotiate through the airline
check-in.
Dressing Yourself
If you’re sensible and head to a warm, dry climate you’ll
need remarkably few clothes. Pack two pairs of shorts (a fresh pair each
day helps keep your nether regions healthy), a couple of cycle shirts
(the right style will double up for casual wear), a lightweight fleece
top, a lightweight rain jacket, a pair of baggy shorts or wrap around
skirt and some long pants for those cool evenings. Restrict yourself
to a single pair of shoes. There’s a wide choice of SPD-compatible
recreational cycle shoes available. They have a decent sole for walking
and look ‘normal’ - so you feel comfortable at restaurants
as well as fronting up for a Business Class upgrade.
Dressing Your Bike
With a few modifications the humble mountain bike converts to a suitable
touring stead. Swap your knobblies for slicks and add some mudguards.
They look nerdy but protect your legs from rain and road-filth flying
off your wheels. If you have front suspension and plan to take front
panniers then you'll either need to fit rigid forks or score a suspension
specific rack. A more upright position is comfortable for long days
on the road. A high-rise stem and/or a set of riser bars can lift your
handlebars by a back-saving 50mm. A cycle computer is an invaluable
navigational aid. Counting off the k's to the next critical intersection
helps avoid too much time spent playing lost and found. A set of LED
lights are useful insurance against getting caught out at night.
Bundle it all into a Tardis or Body
Bag from Ground Effect to cart it around. Once on tour they
make a useful ground sheet for picnics and 101 other useful things.
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