Kiwi Beervet XL 5:25 – Canterbeery
 

Words & photos: Tony Hutcheson

Just like Dorothy, the Kiwi Beervet Committee understands there’s no place like home. Sadly, clicking your heels together without magical ruby slippers only results in blisters. Just one thing could bring Beervet home; peer pressure and lazy planning… which is two things, but this is a story, not a math test.

Thus far Beervet antics had, for reasons of Covid interruption and the aforementioned lazy planning, only sullied the public houses of the northern South Island and Central Otago. Round five would see the prodigal non-event welcomed home to Canterbury. No bike packing required, we’re riding from home!

To honour five years of Kiwi Beervet the Committee was keen to ensure that this was the non-event from which those who abstained wished they’d not missed and those who did attend wished they hadn’t. Questionable life choices coupled with an understandable lack of interest from many of the usual suspects provided smaller numbers therefore ease of planning, or so I thought.

One thing has become abundantly clear over the past few years of planning Kiwi Beervet, trust in the 'system' and you shall be rewarded. Problem is, there is no consistent system. If a country publican says over the phone "yup, you’re in the book", just leave it there, you’re in the book. I know this truth to be sacrosanct but still, even after five years and 22 pub bookings I am still learning to trust that "you’re in the book" means someone picked up a pen and wrote your details into the "the book" and when you show up your hosts will be expecting you. The only variable is how confident one feels about each booking, but they all work out.

On top of my reservation reservations there was the pressure (entirely self inflicted) to offer up a solid home game.

Local knowledge allowed for some entertaining course choices although my default approach (lazy) to route setting wasn’t going to cut it. Enter stage left – Sam, maker of trail mirth and merriment, enjoyer of a long shortcut and co-proprietor of the most excellent Goat Cycles. Sam offered up his services as chooser of excellent routes for days one and two. Day one in particular found a 36km commute reincarnated as a 99km solid day out. And on that note…

Day 1: Kiwi Beervet HQ, Christchurch to The Plough, Rangiora
99km / 889m

Setting off from home Beervet HQ seemed a little underwhelming although not sitting in a car for six hours prior to the Grand Depart was definitely a win.

A hard 8 departure morphed predictably into a 9ish start thanks to the tardy arrival of Chops Malcom and the traditional dolling out of swag bags. Once t-shirts and hip flasks had been stashed it was up into the Port Hills for class photos, which was equally slow, and a stop at the top for the traditional summit dram before a flying Ground Effect HQ visit to pick up the Chairman’s evening wear and say thanks for the t-shirts. Now we were really ready to hit the road.

Suddenly our fortuitous proximity to Vic’s Bakery’s sticky buns became an overwhelming reality for Andy and Colin. 15km into a 100km day and already a mutiny was brewing. This would not do. After consultation with the Committee it was agreed that Vic’s buns must be acquired lest there be a riot. Each enjoyed their respective cakes, perhaps Andy a little too much while Ben was seen storing his for later consumption in his impressive Lemmy Kilmister inspired moustache.

Now on a sugar and cinnamon high our exit from Christchurch took in the scenic vistas of Bromley Cemetery, Ruru Lawn Cemetery and the Christchurch Waste Water Treatment Plant and poo ponds before delivering us onto Te Ara Ōtākaro Avon River Trail, or pretty close to it.

By 11 o’clock we had travelled almost no distance at all and the team was thirsty. Fortunately we happened upon the Brighton Beach House Cafe. Whilst not technically a pub it does serve tasty food and Two Thumbs beer on tap gaining it a Kiwi Beervet approving nod.

Time was getting away and between us and lunch lay more than a few kilometres (actual measurement) of Sam’s choicest long cuts. A weaving route through bottle Lake Forrest, a stop for another beer at Sam’s favoured sunrise viewing spot and some very overgrown track along the Waimakariri River kept us entertained until well beyond lunch time. A solid thirst had been developed for our eventual arrival at the Platform Brew Bar in Kaiapoi. Plenty of good beer on tap and our first opportunity to give the deep fryer a workout. When faced with the prospect of being late for the next pub a second round was ordered to see us through.

Wanting to ensure that all sights of interest were included, there would be two more poo ponds to view en route to our next beer stop in Pegasus, each of these celebrated with a dram.

Lunch finally became a reality at around 3pm courtesy of the Goodhome Gastropub in Pegasus. Thanks to extended play at the pub in Kaiapoi only Colin’s seemingly endless appetite required satiating although everyone had earned a beer by this stage so the stop was welcomed. We would be two hours further up the path before another beer could be ordered so this was an important stop.

There would be one more dram salute to one more poo pond before the final few kilometres of farm and single track along side the Ashley River, the northern most border of Kiwi Beervet 5:25.

The threat of rain had been ever present in both the forecast and sky. Clever Beervet planning ensured all rain would be avoided while predictably dilatory Beervet antics and an enjoyable interlude at The Good Drop Craft Beer Fillery in Rangiora ensured the last kilometre was wetter than the proverbial otters pocket dampening our clothes but not our spirits.

Our dripping wet arrival at the Plough was greeted with a smile, maybe a wee laugh and some solid country pub hospitality. The Plough is the quintessential country pub but close enough to a population base that it appears not to be at risk of closure, which is the all too sad reality for many of Aotearoa’s excellent country inns. The food at the Plough was top notch pub fare, not too high brow but for sure fancy enough to garner the approval of a small band of merry cycling enthusiasts on a mission to visit all country pubs in NZ.

Post dinner we retired to our private lounge with a few treasures rescued (for a small fee) from the off-licence. Lies were exchanged regarding the day’s heroics and all agreed that the planets had aligned for day one of KB5:25.

The Plough Hotel in Rangiora receives a solid Kiwi Beervet nod of approval.

Day 2: The Plough, Rangiora to Porters Lodge, Craigieburn Ranges
113km / 1,553m

Day 2 always seemed like a good idea on paper. Single track, pubs, good pies and a warm alpine retreat to rest our weary heads.

Porters Lodge isn’t technically a pub but the Committee wanted to have a route through the alpine and the two closest pubs to this point had both closed down. Also, it’s a great place with a good vibe and beer on tap, so it’s kind of a pub.

The tea and toast left out by the Plough Hotel team would only go so far to fuel the day. As usual Colin’s stomach could be relied on to guide us into the open doors of a worthy purveyor of baked goods. During our stop at Percival Street Bakery, Sam addressed the issue of how to teleport from Rangiora to Cust as only Sam can. All agreed, perhaps without fully understanding, or even knowing the plan.

A simple 45 minute, 17km spin to start the day immediately transmogrified into a 27km / 3 hour slippery laugh-out-loud-fest. Many drams were needed to curb the enthusiasm, which only heightened the frivolity. Tim alone managed to sneak in a quick swim in one of the many waste deep 4WD ruts.

A classic country traffic jam allowed for sheepish loitering and a dram in the autumn sunshine paired with a solid round of quick-fire banter with the local shepherd about day drinking and riding long distances to the pub. New mate's initial assessment of our antics, which is better left unwritten, was eventually moderated to 'a good idea with questionable execution'. His knowledge on the state of local pubs was impressive although, as it turns out, a little inaccurate and had us all looking forward to our scheduled stop at the 'always open' Cust Hotel. The day was shaping up well.

Of course Cust Hotel was closed. Staff could be seen lounging in the lounge but showed little interest in providing safe harbour and refreshment to jaded travellers. Round 2 of roadside loitering followed as did our first beer of the day courtesy the leftovers from the previous evening's post dinner cocktails. Refreshments were enjoyed while learning about the Cust war memorial. No spoilers here but this memorial has perhaps more of a history than some. Stop in and take a look next time you’re passing.

Lunch was scheduled for the West Oxford Hotel. With few options for tomfoolery the route took on a more traditional cycle touring feel and the team seemed to hunker down behind Andy, Scott and Tim* to despatch the task. The lure of a pub that was actually open was irresistible.

To the casual observer all country pubs in Aotearoa seem to be for sale, just sold, under new management or closed. The West Oxford was no exception although luckily had new owner-managers, was open, had good food and tap beer. Normal Kiwi Beervet service had resumed.

The West Oxford receives a well deserved Kiwi Beervet nod of approval.

The Sheffield Hotel has been shuttered since a fire in 2021 and Kirwee Tavern suffered the same fate on Christmas day 2019 while the Springfield Hotel has also recently closed amid some controversy. It’s a sorry situation for the towns in this part of Canterbury. The country pub is so often one of the central pliers of rural NZ communities, it's incredibly sad to see them disappearing faster than Kiwi Beervet can get around to visiting them and more importantly, leaving the empty shells of buildings as reminders for the communities they once served. The best we could do was to raise a hip flask and offer a toast to the various extinct pubs as we rolled past.

Without a pub to aim for our post lunch goal was to reach the Sheffield Pie Shop before closing. Our route from Oxford ensured maximum faff and wet feet so this goal could have been a stretch but for the post-pie task of the final 43km providing ample motivation to keep the average speed above walking pace thanks in no small part to the efforts of Andy, Scott and Tim*.

Naturally the pie layover in Sheffield took significantly longer than need be as did the stop at Springfield’s memorial to Rewi Alley and of course the Springfield doughnut, which has its own chequered history involving 20th Century Fox, arson and a tractor tyre. What this part of Canterbury lacks in pubs it certainly makes up for with a colourful history.

When planning this year's route the Kiwi Beervet Committee wanted to avoid the highway up to Porters Pass so selected the steep hike-a-bike up the Coach Stream track to Trig M and down the Starvation Gully track. I was really looking forward to this but we first had to endure the 15km of main highway that I was not at all looking forward to.

Andy, Scott and Tim* took the bull by the horns and towed us all up the stretch of State Highway 73 that was sure to be the low point of the trip. Deep, soul searching, David Byrne-esque questions wafted around the group like the smell of socks drying on a panel heater; would we make it to Porters Lodge in time for dinner? Do we have enough beer to get us over the next climb? Why do I keep agreeing to come on Beervet? How did I get here?

The climb up Coach Stream had looked reasonably challenging on the map but once you have a couple of beers, a dram or two and a fully loaded bike on board it becomes almost impossibly steep. The peloton was immediately fragmented. The lead group set a hot pace but were tempered by an extended interlude at the top. A summit beer and dram needed to be enjoyed but not before all were present and accounted for in the back country environment.

Daylight was fading and more than one face was showing signs of concern. Before launching down Starvation Gully track (the high point of the trip from a riding perspective) I made a quick phone call to remind our hosts that we’re on the way and please don’t close the kitchen.

The troops rallied at the turn off from the highway onto the Porters Ski Field road where it was noted some were showing moderate signs of fatigue. "Don’t worry, just 5km to go". I didn’t mention that it’s all uphill, that seemed unnecessarily alarming.

I suspect the chef was about ready to go home until Kiwi Beervet rolled in and ordered what can only be described as a rather alarming amount of food. The team also seemed thirsty as two of three taps quickly dried up.

Richard Goldsbury is known to inhabit the Craigieburn area on an almost permanent basis at any time of year and this day was no different. Despite rumoured sitings of him putting in a full day of trail maintenance simultaneously in Craigieburn, Christchurch, Nelson and Auckland’s Riverhead he managed to find time to present as guest of honour for the evening's festivities and a round of old-man-yoga.

Porters Lodge was the oasis at the end of what had become one of the biggest ever Kiwi Beervet days at a sniff under 13 hours. Not sure how this could have happened. It looked so easy on paper.

Nods of approval for Porters Lodge all round.

Day 3: Porters Lodge, Craigieburn Ranges to The Crate and Barrel, Leeston
118km / mostly down hill but still with 446m up

Hooray for a proper breakfast that can be had at Porters Lodge along with a litre or so of coffee each before departure.

Setting off down the road that we suffered up the previous evening was a most pleasant way to start the day. This would be followed by what the Committee had planned to be a very chill, scenic roll through the Korowai/Torlesse Tussocklands Park, past Lake Coleridge and down to the Canterbury flat land.

Given large areas of this year's route had been almost completely denuded of its public houses and inns, part of the ethos for KB5:25 was to toast the closed pubs as much as those still operating. Fulfilling this requirement without beer would be challenging and the route meandered through some remote environs far from the ability to recharge our per diem supplies. Enter the Canterbeery Elves. These mischievous rascals had been busy planting beer trees around Canterbury in advance of the non-event and provided GPS co-ordinates to the Committee. The first beer cache was discovered after a brief cruise down the picturesque Lyndon Road.

A short treasure hunt located the stash which was distributed among the eager recipients. We pressed on with enough supplies (hopefully) to see us through to the Dunsandel Bar a mere 80km away.

The very casual cruise down the Lyndon and Coleridge Roads was every bit as serene as had been hoped although the '80km to the next pub' problem loomed large on the mind of the Committee. "We could always make a small diversion to Hororata". It came like a voice from beyond. What? Who said that? It was Scott, he had proffered the idea of a stop at what was believed to be the Hororata Cafe. The Committee has long held the view that lazy planning is the best planning and a 'rough enough is good enough' approach allows for each day to evolve in a more collaborative, organic manner. At least that's what I said after Scott corrected my beliefs that there is no bar in Hororata. "They have good pies too". A second invitation was not required.

And so it was that the Hororata Cafe became the Horarata Cafe and Bar. Frankly this was such a good decision that the Committee should present it here as its own planning but as there is an outside chance that Scott will read this it seems fair to give credit where credit is due.

I ordered the loaded wedges as that’s healthy deep fryer food. It’s obligatory inclusion of dairy products and cured meat must count as at least three layers of the food pyramid. You know some times (most times) when your order such culinary treasures as loaded wedges and what you receive are wedges that are demonstrably not loaded… you know what I’m talking about. Well that didn’t happen at Hororata Cafe and Bar, oh no, quite the opposite. The wedges were loaded alright! I’d push the boat out and say there was almost as much bacon as there was wedges and don’t even get me started on the cheese and the large, not small, bowl of sour cream and sweet chilli sauce. The Committee approved of this. Wedges of this statue require a well considered beverage pairing. A big bot of Speights was in order.

Solid Kiwi Beervet arms folded nod of approval for the Hororata Cafe and (now) Bar.

The Canterbury plains are appropriately named. Long, flat, straight roads punctuated only by controlled burn-off and the occasional wandering sheep. The intrepid Kiwi Beervet crew needed to bridge this gap and we did our best to maintain a positive demeanour throughout. The 30km group ride across the Canterbury plains meant head down and pedal was all she wrote, each person doing their best to avoid a turn up front thereby leaving Andy, Scott and Tim* to do all the work.

Remember the country pub being the heart of many a rural NZ community? In the venn diagram of NZ pubs the Dunsandel Bar seems to sit firm in this circle. Upon arrival the bar appeared to have a concert or some major event happening and I took a moment to contemplate on the significance of the enormous John Deere parked outside.

It was Saturday afternoon and the bar was busy. Busy, as it turns out, with friends and family of Jamie. We didn’t know Jamie but we had happened upon Jamie’s wake. The John Deere parked outside was soon gone as the driver had just stopped in to pay his respects. We ordered our round, settled into the corner bar leaner, toasted Jamie, told a few stories and moved on. Prime example of a community coming together at a country pub.

Back into it on the Canterbury plains with 20km and two corners between us and our final stop for the day. Thanks to the predominantly down hill topography thus far time was on our side so a relaxed pace was mandated and unanimously agreed on. The agreement was ratified and honoured while we crossed the road from the Dunsandel Bar to the opposite side of State Highway 1 and that was that, from there heads were down and the pace was disturbingly hot, at least by Kiwi Beervet standards. Andy, Scott and Tim* were at it again.

The Crate and Barrel Leeston is significantly more palatial than one might normally encounter on Kiwi Beervet. Opened in 2017, this is by some significant margin the newest pub in which Kiwi Beervet has ever sought refuge. However, no one could argue that it was not a pub so the matter was debated only briefly in the cavernous dining area as a means to entertain ourselves while dinner was prepared.

One thing about large spaces, it can be tricky to make them feel busy. There was undoubtedly a greater number of locals engaging themselves in social libations than the size of the room was prepared to admit but it did still seem quiet after Dunsandel.

Kiwi Beervet added to the ambiance with our stealth team of eight and for one night only this number swelled to nine with the arrival of long time Beervet partaker Mr Odin Woods. Conspicuous by his absence thus far for reasons never adequately explained, Mr Woods went full carpe diem and pedalled out from town to join us for a fleeting cameo.

Dinner was a well organised affair directed by the efficient staff. I ordered lamb shanks that evening and a quick review of photographic evidence reminds me that I rather enjoyed my meal.

First impressions of the Crate and Barrel were a little trepidatious but once we leaned in, it became clear that a full Kiwi Beervet nod of approval was in order.

Day 4: The Crate and Barrel, Leeston to The Grand Hotel, Akaroa
105km / 1,520m

Not for the first time in Kiwi Beervet history Mr Woods departed early mumbling something about personal administrative tasks. Not judging, just saying.

Unlimited toast, the theme for the morning. The Crate and Barrel served breakfast, with unlimited toast. The boss was running the morning shift and seemed a little shy of the coffee machine but he was incredibly generous with the toast.

The day ahead presented ample opportunity for amendments and additions to the roughly hewn schedule. We were definitely starting from where we were and ending at The Grand in Akaroa, everything in between was up for negotiation, but not before reaching Little River Inn. Only at the first pub would the Committee consider applications for agenda modifications.

An eagerness to put the last of the Canterbury Plains in the metaphorical rear view mirror required Andy, Scott and Tim* to be pitched out front. The Little River Rail Trail was a welcome sight after yesterday’s long flat pavement and gravel roads. What we had here was long flat gravel trail, completely different! A dram to celebrate and a beer to lighten the load was called for.

On the wrong day the Little River Rail Trail can seem bleak but hitting the sweet spot produces a genuinely pleasant ride. Today was the latter. The sun was shining, Lake Ellesmere (Te Waihora) was full, there weren’t too many lake flies and we enjoyed a slight tail wind. Everything was about perfect as we cruised into Little River looking forward to the first pub stop of the day, nothing could dent our enjoyment.

We were too early, the pub was closed. This put a real dent in our enjoyment. Now we had a dilemma. There was a significant hill betwixt us and the next pub in Duvauchelle. The Committee was facing its first serious leadership test. There was but one thing that could quell the disapproving murmurs and restore tranquility. We needed beer. Lunch would also help.

On a recent recon mission an advance party noted an establishment within stumbling distance of the famous Little River Cafe. Opening at 11am and claiming to have beer on tap the Committee played its only available card. This was not a mistake!

Most people head into Little River Cafe I guess because it’s the first eatery in Little River on the road from Christchurch to Akaroa and also because it has a great (well deserved) reputation. But 100m or so up the road, next to the big silo accommodation is an unassuming wee diner called The One Next Door.

It would be near impossible to overstate just how good of an experience we had at The One Next Door. The beer was cold and flowing from a tap, the staff were genuinely amazing and the food was a most unexpected delight.

Fantastic tacos, burgers and desserts were accompanied by a couple of rounds of crafty beer and and an airport thermos of coffee (if you want espresso you need to head down to Little River Cafe).

I think it would be fair to say that The One Next Door garnered several approving Kiwi Beervet nods from the entire crew. Well worth a visit, twice.

We lost track of time, not that we were attempting to keep track of it, until someone accidentally looked at a clock. Whatever schedule we had to keep had been lost but at least the Little River Inn was now open. So it was back down the Rail Trail a couple of kilometres to ensure that all available pubs were sampled.

Little River had consumed a significantly greater portion of the day than had been budgeted and we were now well behind the mythical schedule. We needed to address the giant elephant in the room, which looked remarkably like a 17km / 740m climb from the sheltered sun of Little River’s beer gardens to the windy tops of the Bossu Road.

Andy, Scott and Tim* attacked the gravel road climb at a rather surprising canter forcing a post lunch suffer fest. The top of the first 640m of climbing ended in cloud and high winds which required the peloton to shelter in the bushes and enjoy a dram while waiting for the gruppetto to arrive.

I retired to the comfort of the inside of my eyelids to contemplate our next move. After weighing up the weather, time, distance and required pub stops the call was made to cut out the climb up and around Tuhiraki/Mt Bossu and instead dropped straight down to Wainui via the very steep Jubilee Road.

After a forced break on the descent thanks to Colin’s puncture we regrouped in Wainui before setting a course for Duvauchelle Hotel. Andy, Scott and Tim* set the pace for a change and we soon had the bar in our sights.

Duvauchelle Hotel gets an automatic Kiwi Beervet nod of approval by virtue of it’s location. An oasis situated at sea level with climbs in every direction. The team acquired their Speights or whatever and settled into a convenient bar leaner. Tim, for reasons unknown took it upon himself to ring the last-call bell. Now, where I come from you don’t do that lest you wish to purchase a round for the entire bar. Tim, it seems, was unaware of this tradition but only briefly. I suspect his resistance when told he now had to purchase a round for every person in the bar would have been greater had there been more people. As it stands it was just the Kiwi Beervet crew and one table of locals. So it was a couple of pints for the locals and a round of tequila for the crew. Kiwi Beervet – always delivering important life lessons.

Now adequately fuelled the lead-out team of Andy, Scott and Tim* despatched the remaining 20km without incident save for two false turns (Kiwi Beervet route planning on point) resulting in two double back situations and a vicious dirt track climb just before Akaroa.

The Committee harboured quiet concerns about the safe storage of our bikes for this night. I had been told when making the booking that the bike storage had been "written in the book"; remember the book? As events transpired we arrived at The Grand Hotel and were warmly greeted by the evening shift manager who said "I see in the book we need to bring your bikes inside for the night". And so our bikes spent a secure night in the lobby. Thank you Grand Hotel Akaroa, that was greatly appreciated.

A reasonably slow Sunday night found Akaroa relying on Team KB5:25 to keep the party going all the way through to almost 9pm with Sunday roast, moderate banter and a race to sleep… ain’t no party like a Beervet party!

The Grand Hotel most definitely gets a Kiwi Beervet nod of approval.

Day 5: The Grand Hotel, Akaroa to your house
80km / 2,500m

Every Kiwi Beervet requires a culinary low point and this year that ignoble award goes to a nameless cafe in Akaroa. Driven by a desire to leave early in preparation for what was almost certainly going to be a significantly longer day than the usual KB finale, an early opening cafe was selected. This plan backfired twice. Had the glacial pace of the service been known in advance we would have been better served staying in bed for an extra hour. Once received our breakfasts were abandoned in favour of a visit to the local supermarket which was now open.

Snacks consumed and lessons learned we pushed off for a day of climbing, hike-a-bike and limited pub stops; sadly Two Thumbs Diamond Harbour is closed on Mondays. Today we would drag ourselves up Duvauchelle Stock Route, traverse Te Ara Pātaka/Summit Walkway (aka Double Fenceline), grind up to Purau Saddle and a final ascent insult from Governors Bay to Victoria Park. It was only about 80km but there was a definite sting in the tail of this year’s Kiwi Beervet. Fortunately everyone had saved a beer to be enjoyed at the first high point and the Canterbeery Elves had anticipated the lack of refreshment stops.

The Duvauchelle Stock Route was a savage first climb (after all the climbs to get there) that required an extended stop at the top to regroup and enjoy a dram. From here, I promised, it will be way more fun.

There are occasions, few though they may be, when jokes must be cast aside and a true account of proceedings be transcribed. It would be fair to say that no sooner had we left the gravel road and started along the poled route spirits were immediately crushed and the Kiwi Beervet popularity score dipped dangerously low. High winds, rain, slippery conditions and poor visibility provided ample substance for a physically and mentally challenging couple of hours.

The noticeable ebb in general enthusiasm was improved with a beer at the (what should have been, had we not missed the turn off) trail high point. Toasting our achievements thus far and pretending to enjoy our situation whilst ignoring the fact that on any other day we would have been treated to spectacular views from where we were. Or at least that was the working theory, had we known where we were.

Andy was still full of beans so he was despatched to locate the correct trail. His task was aided by an almost biblical parting of the clouds and we were on our way again.

The "descent" "down" to Port Levy Saddle was deceptively uphill for much of the remaining trail and on reaching Western Valley Road the team had earned a beer. Unfortunately we were out. Fortunately Chops Malcolm had taken it upon himself to stash a care package at a local's house down in Port Levy. The 9km descent to our muster point at the old Port Levy school was a welcome respite from the unrelenting morning thus far, as was the selection of Two Thumbs Beer produced by Chops upon emerging from his sortie into the neighbour’s back yard.

It was unanimously agreed that the inclusion of Te Ara Pātaka/Summit Walkway in the KB5:25 route was a very bad idea and utterly appropriate. After all, the absence of a day of abject misery would result in the concept of Beervet swinging dangerously close to being a good idea. It’s worth noting that 99% of Kiwi Beervet route research is undertaken post non-event. During this year's exhaustive research (for this story) some potentially useful information on the Double Fenceline route was found on, of course, the Ground Effect website dated 01 February 1996… “This classic trip snakes along the summit ridge of Banks Peninsula. You score fantastic views but it can be bitterly cold. Ensure you carry the Akaroa (N36) topo map.” Views, no. Bitterly cold, yes. Topo map, that’s that thing on your phone right?

From the Port Levy school house we were immediately confronted by the unforgiving climb up to Purau Saddle. The prospect of this climb was significantly enhanced by the announcement that the saddle was the next muster point as designated by the busy Canterbeery Elves. This is a typically brutal Banks Peninsular road climb but after the 12km hike-a-bike madness that had just been endured, it didn’t seem so bad. Up at the saddle, a quick rustle around in the bushes revealed a cache of Puhoi Pilsner which was universally enjoyed. The day was shaping up nicely.

Enjoyable too was the roll down to Purau Bay ahead of the 20kms of ups and downs that would deliver us to our first and only pub stop of the day in Governors Bay. By this stage the Three Rushketeers could be relied on to lead out the crew and so it was that Andy, Scott and Tim* pushed on up front.

Traditionally the final day of Kiwi Beervet is a short non-indulgent affair finishing at around lunch time. This is, at least in part due to the need to drive for six hours to get home. KB5:25 had no such requirement, we were in Canterbeery with no driving or bike packing required so arriving at Ōtoromiro Hotel at 3pm there was still ample time for lunch and a couple of pints. Carb loading at the bottom of the final climb was also proclaimed to be a significant performance advantage. Burgers, pizzas and a ploughman's platter were washed down with all manner of refreshments, and why not, this was the last official stop of Kiwi Beervet 2025. Or was it?

Regroup at the top of Vic Park was the order given, those magical Canterbeery Elves had one final trick up their very short sleeves and with that Andy, Scott and Tim* were up the road setting a pace that increased as the climb progressed until everyone else had blown and they were left to fight it out for the shame of reaching the final summit first. There would be no lanterns rouge for these three.

Once everyone arrived at the top and final climb high fives exchanged the crew migrated a couple of hundred metres down Victoria Park to the nearest picnic table whereupon the Committee abandoned ship and disappeared into the bushes. Much stomping, breaking of twigs and cursing of Elves was heard before the Committee reappeared with the final cache of elfin treats.

It was during the ensuing round of average banter and excellent lies that the moniker of Beervet XL was awarded to KB5:25, the longest Kiwi Beervet to date with the fewest pubs. A hearty round of For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow# was rendered in honour of the Canterbeery Elves for saving the day(s) where pub selection was limited. All agreed that old mate in Cust was right on the money, Kiwi Beervet was a good idea with questionable execution.

All that remained was to navigate down Victoria Park utilising trails that are ill suited to loaded touring bikes, the final layer of cake icing before the group slowly withered as each returned to their home starting of course with Andy, Scott and Tim*.

During the planning stages of every Kiwi Beervet I always say it's going to be the last but it's easy to suffer from Beervet Brain (actual clinical condition) post non-event so I reckon there might be another.

 

 

 

* Andy, Scott and Tim may not have been entirely responsible
# Almost certainly did not happen