Cutting Edge Product Ideas

After reading the epistle from the Rev regarding fear, loathing and suffering on his trans continental expedition, I considered how the congregation could attain salvation with some suffering of their own while going about their common garden cycling experiences. Some products you could add to the range might include:

Hirsute

Mind boggling discomfort from our classic tight fitting hair shirt. Made of natural fibres from the belly of rutting stags - the fabric is fabulously heavy, extremely scratchy and really stinks.

100 Grits

Everyday cycle shorts for sinners. Lycra in traditional black - of course. But the close fitting moulded 100 grit insert over the chamois will really make you weep. After any sort of ride what-so-ever you will be on your knees begging forgiveness.

Greywackes

Lovely warm woollen sox made from traditional farm fleck yarn. Cunningly sewn into the sole, right under the ball of your foot, is a small river pebble. Every pedal stroke will remind you of something much nicer. Our expedition survivors have advised us exactly where to locate this piece of alluvium so that even walking is painful. They really keep you on the tip of your toes.

Kind regards, Dan van Asch